"Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die."
"Anger is the wind which blows out the lamp of the mind."
Robert Green Ingersoll
"I think it's your own choice if you turn from an angry young man to a bitter, old bastard."
Billie Joe Armstrong
"Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret."
It is a lot easier to say you are mad than to admit you are hurt.
RECOGNIZE YOUR THOUGHTS, FEELINGS & ENERGY
Your adrenaline is flowing and you are ready for a fight. You are seeking an object or person to lash out at and dissipate the bottled up energy you feel.
- "I'm shocked that you said/did that."
- "I'm outraged!"
- "I'm so pissed off right now!"
- "You are irritating me no end!"
- "I want to wring your neck."
- "Who do you think you are?"
REALIZE WHAT IS DRIVING YOUR MINDSET
- An angry mindset is a defense against pain. What is the pain/anguish/failure that you are avoiding feeling underneath your anger?
- Your feeling of energy and power is dependent on others feeling bad. You are sure you are right and the other(s) is wrong.
- You use anger to push people away. You are afraid of feeling helpless, even hurt.
- You are just being stubborn and close-minded because you are not getting your way and want to make them wrong for not listening to you or doing exactly what you say.
- Momentary anger alerts us to something that appears wrong or unjust. The Anger mindset is about being right.
- Anger is punishing yourself.
RESOLVE TO MOVE FORWARD
- Keep your mouth shut for a moment.
- Take a few deep breaths to calm yourself down and tune in.
- Pause. Stay with your feeling long enough to notice what is really bothering you underneath the surface. It is not what you think you are angry about and not about the other person. If you can pause and breathe into that deeper feeling you will start to feel at peace.
- What will you feel on a deep level if you don't react with anger?
- What outcome will benefit both of you?
- Get over being righteous. No one is that important to hold a grudge forever.
- Apologize for attacking the other person.
- Explain your anger instead of expressing it, and you will find solutions instead of arguments.