1. to exercise restraint or direction over; dominate; command
  2. to hold in check; curb
  3. to eliminate or prevent the flourishing or spread of

"You will become as small as your controlling desire and as great as your dominate Aspiration."
James Allen

"I would like you to be more self-reliant, show more initiative, and take greater personal responsibility - but check with me first."

The anal-retentive act of a pompous manager with a godlike complex, who must have control & say over every move their employees make.

People suffer because they want to control others when they can barely control themselves.

He who angers you controls you.

If I was meant to be controlled, I would have come with a remote.

As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I am totally flexible.

  1. "Do it my way, otherwise you'll waste time and money."
  2. "Obviously I know the right way to do this."
  3. "Run your plan by me before taking action."
  4. "We have tried that before and it won't work."
  5. "Save your good ideas for another project."
You are unsettled by what and how someone might do things.


  1. You don't trust that someone can do it better or as good as you can.
  2. You are convinced that you know the best way to do something.
  3. You excuse your taking over by telling yourself that you don't have time to teach the person.
  4. You consistently devalue others' abilities and inflate yours.
  5. You think you are indispensable - the world/project will fall apart without you and you want to keep it that way.
  6. You are blind to how you are extinguishing creativity and innovation.
  7. You are afraid that someone will outshine you.
  8. You think you will be left behind.


  1. Acknowledge each person's strengths and emphasize your confidence in them.
  2. Think about how you can empower them with your knowledge and abilities.
  3. Teach them how to think/view/operate rather than take over.
  4. Create risks for others to take where they can be successful.
  5. Face your fear of being insignificant; acknowledge value you bring to others.
  6. Commit to make the others truly successful in what they do.
  7. Take a breath and let go for a minute; realize that you are not losing anything.
  8. Let them shine. Lead from behind.




© 2016 Jim Peal