CHECKING YOUR ATTITUDE
IDENTIFY NEGATIVE INTENTION
STEP TWO: Identify Negative Intention
The trigger and the Negative Intention are close cousins to each other and happen almost simultaneously. When you assume Negative Intention you get upset. When you assume Negative Intention it creates a negative gut reaction. Negative Intention is the story that you tell yourself about the other person or situation. The Positive Intention of Negative Intention is to protect you from a perceived danger. If you say to yourself, "She is just out for herself," it is so you won't get hurt or continue to be hurt. It is a message that allows you to distance yourself from that person.
It's important to clarify the Negative Intention that you have assumed. In a sense the Negative Intention is very much part of the trigger. It is the automatic negative conclusions and feeling you have about that situation. What is your automatic thought? Is this person out to do you harm, to sabotage you, to mistreat you, to disrespect you? What is your automatic reaction to what was said or done? Usually a short phrase or image will come to you with a strong negative feeling that grabs your gut. Negative Intentions can sound like "He just wants to control the situation," "She doesn't like me," "He is ignoring me," "She is punishing me," "I am not as good as he is." See if you can actually put your finger on the negative thoughts you have when you are triggered.
Once you've identified the Negative Intention, identify what point in the Negative Intent Molecule it is being expressed. Are you in an adversarial state? Are in you in a victimized state? Are you in a rescuing mode?
Once you know where you are on the molecule and by identifying your reaction you will better be able to neutralize the impact and make a change. Once again the goal is to be the witness; you are not trying to change or stop the pattern. If you try to extinguish the negative thought or feelings, they just go underground and will resurface. As you develop a neutral state of mind to observe, you are creating the place to make changes.